I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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