we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
