like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
