i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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