So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I deserve this hangover.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
