I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
