Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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