I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
