went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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