Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My first STD was from a foam party
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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