In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Im part way to drunk.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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