i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
