Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
