R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
