I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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