ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
