In the future we'll all be gay
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
