I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
