It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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