that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You are the jesus of drinking
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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