Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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