Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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