Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
