Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
