Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
