I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
