Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
