He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
