i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
