its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize