I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
