i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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