I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
