So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
