I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
