My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize