I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
