Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
