You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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