I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
