I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
