2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
please come you make the beer taste better
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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