What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i think i have herpe
just one?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
