need another drink. this is the easiest way
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
