There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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