Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I have demons in me.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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