my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
