how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We got so high we made milksteak
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
