goodnight i made you a song goodbye
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
