Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
