Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
