it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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