Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need to align my fucking chakras
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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