Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
