He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
