I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
