just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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