the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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