I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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