was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
