She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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