I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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