Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
