never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize