Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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