She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
