I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
