If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i was born a porn star she said
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize