Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
