When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize