and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
