whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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