1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
