and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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