youre lurking in front of me
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
