Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
