How's work?
Spinning.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
