Your mouth is God's brothel.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
