If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
