It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
